Now a two-time Super Bowl winning quarterback (blech! I definitely just threw up in my mouth at having to write those words), Eli Manning is taking advantage of his last few free weeks before he has to get back to the grind of offseason workouts and practices. On vacation with his wife and daughter in Miami, Eli may be a winner but he doesn't look it. 

I'm not saying that Eli needs to be completely jacked (ala LaRon Landry), he IS only the quarterback after all, but it looks like Eli has been enjoying the banquet circuit after his second championship a bit too much...


He looks like just another dough-y, weird faced white guy, not a world famous professional athlete. Here's a pro tip Eli: Try mixing in a salad every now and then. 

Although the little red bucket DOES make for a cute, alternative, purse...

[Pop Sugar via Sportress of Blogitude] 
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Lance Armstrong is known as a fierce competitor but even so, there ought to be limits to your single-minded drive. Like, for instance, if you just finished a triathlon (which you're doing for FUN!) in seventh place, (being edged out at the last moment for sixth) and your 10-year-old daughter wants to congratulate you with medal. The proper thing to do is stop, acknowledge your progeny and accept the medal, like a good person. 

Armstrong went the other way. After crossing the line, despite his daughter standing RIGHT at the finish line, he ignores her, and then ignores her subsequent "Dad! DAD!" pleas and walks off into the crowd. 

Classy!

I get being frustrated with your performance but it is not like Armstrong NEEDS to be doing this, he CHOSE to participate in the triathlon and win or lose, it really doesn't matter. It's not as though he's going to get on the cover of Time for winning the Texas Triathlon...

Next time, try being a good Dad?
 


[Daily Mail] 
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On Sunday in Saskatoon a crew of 14 women showed up to tryout for the Lingerie Football League's newest team, the Saskatoon Sirens. Unfortunately for the ladies, they were the only ones who came out; despite announcing open tryouts none of the expected league representatives showed, leaving some of the women to wonder if they were the victims of an April Fool's prank.

Alas, it just turned out that the LFL had rescheduled the tryout to April 28, (there's still time to train and get ready ladies!) even though the LFL's official website called for the tryouts on April 1. To add insult to injury, some of the women in attendance had gone to the wrong location first—thanks again to the erroneous LFL website.

The Northern migration of the LFL clearly has not gone as well thus far as the league might have hoped, but the four new teams are expected to be staffed and ready to compete by the time next season begins. 

All that's left is to determine whether or not there is a female version of the word "hoser..."

[The Star Phoenix]
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There are few places in the US that are as rigid in the upholding of their traditions as the Augusta National Golf Club, home of the Masters tournament. With only around 300 members total, membership is extremely exclusive with only some of the richest and most well-known names in the country on the rolls. 

Of course, those members are all men; the club has a strict policy only permitting male members. Another classic tradition of the club is to offer a membership to the current CEO of IBM.

However, on January 1, IBM hired Ginni Rometty to become the company's CEO. As her name might suggest, she has a vagin-i. Whatever is Augusta to do!?!

The membership rolls at Augusta still feature four of the nine men who have ever been IBM's CEO (the rest are dead...)

So, what'll it be ol' boys network, No Girls Allowed or "Fuck you IBM" (and keep in mind that IBM is a main sponsor of the Masters.)

[Yahoo!]
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Jose Canseco is a very sane, intelligent, science-oriented person and so, when he speaks up on Twitter about global warming, the plight of polar bears, or even whether Al Gore is alive or dead, we'd all better listen. 


I'm sure that Al Gore is VERY excited to start working with Jose and to hear Canseco's very wise ideas on how to help the environment.

Oh no, wait, he can't! Because according to Jose, Al Gore is DEAD! Huh? How much chemical damage has Jose done to his brain? Science is going to someday have a field day with him...

Oh yeah, and right before all this global warming nonesense, Canseco tweeted to Magic Johnson that he'll play for the Dodgers for free... 

This is a man who needs some serious medical attention. I'm legitimately concerned for his well-being.

He is right that "Al Gore was a head" though...

[Jose Canseco]
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The Summer Olympics are widely viewed around the world with spectators and fans eager to see bodies pushed to the limit of human endurance; and it doesn't hurt that many of the athletes are good looking. Unfortunately, the powers that be are trying to change that!

Beach volleyball has become one of the hottest tickets, earning high ratings on television and prestige thanks in large part to the skimpy bikinis the women wear but the International Volleyball Federation is looking to change the uniform requirements. Originally the decision to go with the little uniforms was as means to INCREASE interest and attention on the sport. Mission accomplished. For the London Games though athletes will be allowed to wear long-sleeved shirts and shorts if they prefer.

"Some countries for religious and cultural reasons required more flexibility," International Volleyball Federation (FIVB) spokesman Richard Baker said on Wednesday.

"This has now been implemented for all FIVB tournaments... the decision just gives them (the athletes) that greater choice." 

I'm all for allowing religious freedom and letting people dress as they think appropriate but this still saddens me greatly.  

Thankfully, the organizers don't think that (providing the weather behaves) many of the non-Muslim competitors will opt for the more covered up options. 

PHEW!

[Reuters] 

 

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The goalie is the last line of defense in hockey; it becomes very difficult for the goalie to make key saves though when his own teammates take him out...

With the NY Islanders' Frans Nielsen on a breakaway, Penguins defenseman Paul Martin races back to try and make a stop. The only problem is that Marc-Andre Fleury had come way out of the net in an effort to make a play too. Martin then collides HARD with Fleury who crumples to the ice. Oh yeah, to add insult to injury, the puck went in for an Islanders goal too. 


Fortunately, Fleury was ultimately fine, despite taking an elbow to the dome...
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On Saturday, lanky striker Peter Crouch of Stoke City stroked one of the best goals of the EPL season while taking on Manchester City. Out beyond the penalty box, he one-time volleys it straight into the net. 
 
Awesome! Particularly impressive for a guy who looks like a giraffe when he's running. 
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Tim Tebow may live a clean, devoutly Christian life but that doesn't mean we Jews can't capitalize on the newest member of the New York Jets. The famed Carnegie Deli announced (only 48 hours after Tebow was traded to the Jets) that they are creating a new sandwich named after Tebow. 

Called the Jetbow, it features corned beef, roast beef, pastrami, American cheese, lettuce, tomato, mayo (gross bee tee dubs) and is served on, what else, white bread. 

"He's the poster boy for every parent and what they want their kids to be," Carnegie owner Sandy Levine said, "Very religious, very clean-cut, an outstanding student, he does charity work. What more do you want as an athlete than him?"

Priced at a solid New York-style $22.22, the giant sandwich weighs 3.5 pounds. Starting quarterback Mark Sanchez remains without a sandwich of his own...

I had a VERY similar sandwich named after me in Boston at my local deli (except mine had ketchup instead of mayo and cheddar instead of American.) They let me name it the "Heart Attack."

[ESPN New York]
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Living much of the year now in Los Angeles as a member of the MLS' Galaxy, David Beckham has decided to put his historic Hertfordshire mansion back in jolly ol' England up for sale.

The seven-bedroom manse features 24 landscaped acres (including a soccer field and golf course), indoor and outdoor pools, petting zoo (awesome!), stable, helicopter pad, billiards room, recording studio, gym, playground, and tennis courts amongst the other amenities. 



Purchased by the soccer power couple in 1999 for $4 million, the Beckham's have listed the property at $28 million. It turns out that laying your head where Becks did is worth quite a pretty penny. 

Also, look at how fucking big that house is and it ONLY has seven bedrooms? Crazy-pants. 

[Bitten and Bound]

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