Pats fans, I bear bad news today. The story circulating the rounds is true that Tom Brady is not allowed to trim his doo without the express written consent of Mrs. Tom Brady, better known as Gisele Bundchen. And so the hair grows.
Despite Brandon Tate's spot on analysis of the situation ("That's a grown man over there, he can do what he wants. That's on him.") it occurs to your humble correspondent that Jules, our man in Inglewood may have the skinny on what's shaking, besides Brady's locks as he runs.
Now if we can agree that Jules is a Bad MotherFather, and you bet your aspirin he is, and he didn't get himself a tasty burger as often as he may have liked, due to some pressures at home, we can conclude our man Tom Terrific has reason enough to defer to the wisdom of Mrs. Brady.
See what I'm saying? We can also safely conclude that Brandon Tate has not yet been married. More than that we can also assume there are other decisions that Tom leaves up to Gisele.
- Remote Control - Think Tom gets to watch PTI? Think again. Gisele's thoughts on sports in general is that is what her husband does and not who he is. And work is best left at work and not brought home.
- Gadgets and cars - Tom's got a man cave and with 22,000 feet of house to squeeze it into, you better believe it is the awesome. But Gisele has cramped of of Tom's style. Remember the jetpack that Michael Bluth accidentally gave his son George Michael on Arrested Development? Yeah, Gisele said no. Lunar Exploratory Module from the Apollo program, which was a great deal at just over a million dollars, no sale. Infrared laser netting only merited a why do you need it? Unfortunately, "Because it's cool" did not fly.
- Internet Porn - So yeah, Tom said it, he knows why Al Gore invented the Internet, to check out the nekkid chicks, but Gisele put an end to it, telling Tommy Boy she would not have her man downloading anyone but her. Frankly, I gotta tell ya, she makes a good point.
- Wes Welker - Tom and Wes used to hang out, were best buds. But Gisele sized up Wes pretty quick, and at two inches taller than him, without heels, it wasn't all that tricky. Then when she found out he was in the I Felta Thi fraternity (he's not it's actually in I Felta Thi. There is no I Felta Thi Fraternity. Welker's in Phi Delta Theta) and he was persona non grata.
- Vacation - This past spring Tom wanted to vacation down in Florida. A quick getaway, maybe bring Ben to Disney World. Like regular New Englanders do. But Gisele was thinking more of a quick jaunt to Europe. Paris, then England. Holiday Road, baby. Holiday road.
- Burgers - Yeah. Gisele isn't a vegetarian, but she wasn't going to let Tom sneak a tasty Big Kahuna burger, no matter how good they are. Mmmmm mmmm. More for me, then. Who's got my sprite?